A First Class Service

I kid you not.

Conversation in Post Office following posting out a few small, slim things via First Class signed for delivery - sandwiched of course between very stiff board for safety. (I'm no fool)

Assistant: I see that you've added labels onto your parcels asking us not to bend them.

Me: *smugly* Yes.

Assistant: Well you do realise that they just go into the ordinary post? (She tosses a small parcel nonchalantly into the half-full bag behind her as if to emphasise her point.)

Me: Yes.

Assistant: Well as long as you know I can't guarantee these won't get bent. (Waves them at me from behind the glass)

Me: Surely if I can receive almost 100 pristine, unbent Christmas cards, some of which have flown half way round the world, and during the busiest period in the P.O. year, then THAT parcel has a damn good chance of surviving the worst that the Post Office can throw at it this week.

Assistant: I still can't guarantee it's safety even sending it by recorded delivery.

* I slowly draw in breath and mull-over her last sentence.*

Me: So what are you saying? You have a special service that guarantees things won't get bent? (Image in head of Postman carrying it on a velvet cushion to recipient's door)

Assistant: Yes.

Me: *laughing* You're kidding me!

Assistant: *huffs* If you send it via Special Delivery I can guarantee it won't go in THAT bag. *turns and points to it once more*

Me: *sounding interested* So how much would this cost if I sent all three Special D?

Assistant: *taps numbers manically into keyboard* That will be a total of £56.40. *smiles with self-satisfaction*

Me: FIFTY SIX POUNDS??? *picks self off floor*

Assistant: and forty pence. But then they will be delivered by 9.a.m. tomorrow morning.

Me:*jokingly* I think I'd expect them to be delivered by the Queen herself for that amount!

*titters from growing queue behind me*

Assistant: *on sight of tittering queue folds arms in defence* Well?

Me: No thank you.

Assistant slams stickers on envelopes and stuffs them rather unceremoniously into the bag.

Methinks they might already be bent, and if not when assistant is on tea break she'll make damn sure they are...